A Life Without Love is No Life at All
by Bella.Cullen1987
Summary: I never felt more alive until I died." What happens when the one true love of your life tells you goodbye? Follow the story of two teens struggling to cope with the challenges of life, longing, and true love. AU AH OOC Very diff from my usual R&R please
1. Chapter 1

AH, AU, OOC totally random Fic that was demanding to be written, very different from my usual. Let me know what you think. Unfortunately I'm REALLY bad about starting a story and never finishing it, so I'm posting the whole story at once so I can break that this time.

EPOV

_The feel of her bare skin against mine is heaven, her kisses the sweetest, I'm out of breath and my control is long gone, I can't stop touching the beauty beneath me. God, I want her so bad, I can't help it. I'm supposed to be a gentlemen, I have to stop. I have to stop._

I shot awake sitting straight up in bed before falling back and groaning in agony. It had been 2 months, 2 weeks, 9 days, and, I looked over at the clock, 14 hours since I had ended things with _her_. The girl of my dreams, that perfect angel, Bella. Another sting shot through me at the mere thought of her name. I missed her so much. I'd been having this same stupid dream every night since. I couldn't decide if it was a nightmare or a dream come true. I don't know how I was going to survive seeing her everyday when school started this week. I hadn't left my room hardly at all this summer. I should be excited, it was senior year, the last year, and I was anything but excited. My twin sister Alice couldn't comprehend why I had left _her._ What her mind didn't comprehend was that I was a monster. A stupid-hormonal boy. She wouldn't understand.

_Flash Back_

"Bella's here!" Alice called out, going to the front door. The fresh excitement of summer break was still going strong and Bella was coming over to go swimming with us. I walked to the entry hall and was greeted by my perfect angel.

"Hello love." I said kissing her cheek and taking her bag. Her dark blue sundress made her pale skin glow and made me want to kiss every inch that was exposed to me. Quickly getting my thoughts under control, I took her handin mine and lead her out to the back yard. I told her I'd be right back and ran upstairs to change into my swimsuit as quickly as I could and then grabbed several towels for us all. Walking out the back door, I set the towels down on a chair only to turn around when Alice called my name. My jaw dropped and I hardened very suddenly as I caught the sight of Bella sitting on the edge of the pool wearing a swimsuit, if you could call it that, in the same shade as the dress. The polyester material covered hardly anything on her body, causing a sudden need to take a cold shower to overwhelm my body.

What is going with me? She's never affected me this badly before, sure I knew she had an amazing body and I wanted her. But I never wanted to make her uncomfortable and had kept it under control. But Oh… My… God. I couldn't breath. In hopes of cooling down a little I ran and jumped into the pool. I was right; the cold water shocked my system and cleared my head.

We swam for several hours playing around, but all I could think about all day was her and what was under the suit. What I wanted to do to her beautiful body. How badly I wanted her. I was a hormonal monster that didn't deserve such an angel.

That night when I drove her home she invited me in. Charlie wasn't home so she decided to wait to start dinner and lead me up to her room. There, we started kissing and soon found ourselves lying flat on her bed. Sure we had made-out before, but never in just our swimsuits. Her bare skin was warm against mine, driving me absolutely crazy. I released her mouth to breath and began to lavish her neck with attention, the contact produced a moan while she arched into me, the contact making me harder than ever. I paused and took a moment to admire her sudden blush. I knew she could feel it too, which made me feel ashamed.

"I'm so sorry" I said rolling off of her and walking across her room. After a long pause, the only sounds were our heavy breathing, I broke the silence, ignoring a little voice telling me how how much of a fool I am.

"I should get home." I said hastily while kissing her on the forehead and quickly making my way out of her room. All I could think of was the single tear rolling down her cheek as I had kissed her goodbye. I really was a monster, not only letting things get too far, but also I had made her cry. I should have kept myself under control. She was a treasure, not something to use like that. Not just some girl to relieve needs with.

I drove home in a rage and quickly stormed up to my room, completely ignoring Alice's yells and questions. I slammed my door and fell on my bed, groaning into my pillow. As soon as I closed my eyes, the image of her in that suit teased my mind, as if proving that I was a horrible person. Finally after tossing and turning for a while I fell into a fitful sleep.

I woke a few hours later to the sound of a loud moan, and it took a moment to realize it had come from me. Coming more to my senses I realized I was painfully hard and there was a large wet spot on my comforter. Oh God. I had been having a dream about Bella. It was that instant I knew she deserved better than me, and no matter how much it hurt me, it was time to end things. She deserved someone who didn't have such shameful thoughts about her, some one who loved her properly. I knew however, that I could never love anyone as much as I loved her.

The next morning I went over and asked her to take a walk with me.

_'Keep it short, simple, and to the point. A clean break.'_ I told myself as we walked. Truth was, this would never be clean. When all was said and done, I walked away and heard as she called my name, begging me to stop. My heart felt like it was literally being ripped out, as if I were alive but not living. She was crying and it hurt me to think I had made her cry again, but I knew it was for the best, she would move on.

_End Flash Back_

Alice had come in yelling the next day, asking me various questions like "Why?", and "If I knew what a mistake I was making?". I tuned her out after that. Since then she had not talked to me all summer. In the few times I had seen her she had glared at me like I was a monster. Well she was right, I was. Rolling over I tried to go back to sleep knowing it was hopeless. I hadn't slept a full night once this summer.

A loud banging woke me sometime later. I guess I had fallen back asleep after all.

"Go away" I shouted. Alice barged in sobbing hysterically. I stood up and tried to get her out my room.

"Its all your fucking fault!" she cried banging on my chest with her small fists. "Your such an asshole! She loved you and now it's too late. I thought you'd get over this stupid phase and go back to her but now it's to late." She cried sinking to her knees, bringing me with her.

"Alice calm down. What are you talking about?" I said grabbing her shoulders and looking into her eyes. Now I was beginning to panic.

"She loved you! She only ever wanted you. Edward…Bella tried to kill herself this morning, they don't think she'll make it, she lost too much blood." Alice's last words were cut off as her sobs took over once more.

My whole world went numb in that minute. Bella hadn't gotten over me, she still loved me, and now she may be gone forever. "No!" I cried my body giving out under me. "NO!…Bella." I felt like I couldn't breath. My vision was getting blurry. I realized the silent tears running down my face caused the blurriness.

"Edward," Alice whispered, "We have to… to go say goodbye. She needs to know you still love her." I couldn't say good-bye; I wasn't ready to say good-bye for good.

"We have to hurry." The words left my mouth before I even thought of them.

Suddenly my body was obeying again and I shot up, running out the door and down the stairs faster than ever. I shot out of the house, jumping in my car and pealing down the driveway. I drove three times the speed limit, not caring if I got caught. Nothing mattered but getting to Bella. I was going to see Bella. My heart felt like it was finally beating again after all this time.

I skidded to a stop as soon as I got there, rushing into the hospital. "Where is Bella Swan?!" I asked in a panic at the nurse's station. I had to get there on time; she had to know I loved her.

"First door on your left" she said bored. I ran down the hallway as fast as my feet could carry me. Rushing in the room I stopped in the doorway. She lay on the bed attached to all types of tubes and machines. Her wrists were tightly gauzed. I rushed to her side, my hand cupping her cheek. I was now sobbing openly.

"Bella! I love you. I don't want to, I can't, live with out you. I can't breath without you in my arms, my heart hasn't beat in months." I whispered, trying to get her to wake up. A sudden beeping sped quickly before going flat. "NO! I need you Bella. Please."


	2. AN Sorry

Dear readers,

I'm so terribly sorry for the long delays on all my stories. I have a horrible problem with connecting my writing with what happens in real life. If I'm not happy why should my characters be? But last night was a bit of an awakening for me and I'm moving on. I am going to break the bad habit of mine; starting a story then completely forgetting about it. So here's the deal:

**Stereotypeitis:**

I'm sorry I haven't worked on this one in months. I didn't know where to go with it but I think I do know.

**A Life Without Love:**

I will do my best to write this story, however my beta will not be joining me. He was the one that inspired this story so I may have to give it some time before I can commit to writing it. I will do my best, but I can't make any promises.

I do have a few new ideas but instead of my usual I'm going to start carrying a notebook and write them when I can and not post them until I've got them really going.

Once again I'm sorry, I shouldn't make yall wait because of my issues, but its time for a new chapter of my life. This one includes a lot more writing.

~Michelle


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